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I won’t mince words here: I am against tattoos. I suppose it is acceptable for aging sailors and bikers but that is it. A  new disturbing trend flutters forward concerning middle-aged women, normally a sensible demographic, somehow convinced that their world will be bettered by etching something on their aging bodies.

What is going on here? Where are our children to get their mentors from? Stop it immediately.

It wasn’t that long ago, because of the demon AIDS, that dirty needles were associated with drug abuse and disease. Now we have people who set up shops, unregulated shops, and promise that the needles they are about use on you are clean! Would you believe that from anyone else? If you want something on your skin, try lotion! I certainly need that and I am sure I am not alone.

The saddest sight as I walk to the club in the morning is to see young people with beautiful skin waiting patiently for these hellish emporiums to open.  All this so they can exercise a momentary urge to have something banal buried under their skin.

I fear for them and not a little bit. This is not long hair or bad makeup, this is permanent. I understand that many of these derma artists might not have completed their scholastic endeavours, leading to errors while doodling upon others’ pigment. In one case, a lady wished to have some sort of Japanese term involving lotus blossom poetry inked upon her arm. The wayward Gutenberg read the inscription upside down, which when he finished tattooing the poor girl, read: “There is someone behind you with a gun.”

This sent busloads of Asiatic tourists into mass frenzies whenever the woman in question left her house. Please consider the consequences of your actions.

The chat about the senior reading room this week was centred on the American election, and generally in the direction of the Republicans. It strikes us that most of them seem to have lunch with God on a daily basis and know exactly what the deity has on his mind any given day. At other times, while giving speeches, they talk to the ceiling as if Baby Jesus lives amongst the pipes above. They wave Bibles of the kind that depict Jesus as saying things like: “Hi there, gang,” hardly in the King James vein.

The blind admiral, who appears to be au courant in these matters, says he misses the Texas governor who left the race, for in spite of his almost impossible good looks, is clearly off his head. This is a man who believes that Christ thinks the death penalty is a jolly good idea. God would discuss several subjects on these get-togethers such as undocumented aliens and prayers in the schools.

The great democracy below us seems to have forgotten one of its powerful tenets, the separation of church and state. It was such a radically brilliant idea in the early days when America won its place in the world and is still terribly relevant today. One has only to look at countries that are God centric to see massive failure and horrible male domination.

The one-armed colonel felt that if a Canadian politician ever brought religion into an election, he would be diagnosed as unhinged and kind hands would lead him away. Whereas to our south if one does not grip the Bible to one’s breast, no matter Democrat or Republican, one is felt unsound. The president must attend church and in the case of the present one, is attached to a Chicago minister of dubious grey matter.

In many ways we feel lucky to having a front row seat to America as it struggles through almost two years of pre-election antics that are unique in this day and age. We are  doubly lucky to watch the GOP find their leader, as they are much more entertaining than the Democrats. Good luck.

majornigelsb@gmail.com