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Ah, Christmas in the sun eh?
As most of you know, Kitty and I shoot off to the tropics every year to miss the bone-chilling weather at home, although disentangling myself from my club, the Home of Homes, can be uncomfortable.
I am happy there, for a start, and my cancelled advice sessions on Wednesday mornings at 10 bells will be bitterly endured, I am told, for the three months of our Mexican sojourn. I must admit that being told that I am an integral piece of day-to-day club life is a wonderful tonic for this mouldering senior.
Still I wonder how George Smallpiece will get along without asking me for guidance concerning his wasteland of a love life, or the Blind Admiral with his dreadful grandchildren, the twins, who keep pushing him off the pier at the Inner Harbour to see if Grandfather floats. These are things to ponder during the next 90 days.
Meanwhile here in Puerto Vallarta, the sun shines and so do I.
The only blot on the horizon is that my dear wife of some 50 years insists that we bring down the blasted cats, Bertram and Pericles, to our paradise by the sea. I have rarely raised my voice to my beloved companion but this really takes the biscuit. If one wants to leave worry and mayhem behind, why would any sane person bring the damned cats?
The only good news is that they stay indoors, afraid to venture outside our cute hacienda, because on our first visit, B and P did not realize that Mexican cats are professionals, not hothouse flowers such as themselves. That brand of cat hunts daily for its food and is happy to oblige any interloper with a territorial lesson, which inevitably results in a missing piece of ear and several rearranged whiskers.
I once witnessed our poor excuses for cats try to talk their way out of being caught with the remnants of several fish on the wrong side of the street. Pericles took the lead, purring his compliments in that way he has to the sharp-eyed felines that had spotted them. He admired their extremely good security, well done, full marks etc., and now he and Bertram would like to return home.
Bertram was just about to enter the one-sided conversation with his two cents when the gnarly leader, who emitted an almost unbelievable odour, leapt forward and savaged them in mid-mew.
As far as our two cats were concerned this was far beyond the pale, but they did not argue the point as they had been gashed in several places. They streaked for home like lasers. I would have barred their way to teach them one of life’s lessons but for Kitty giving me a harsh look. That allowed them to rush in and under the bed to assess the damages while the cursing local cats bounced off the heavy wooden front door.
At least now they stay close to home, sticking their tongues out at the real cats through the wrought iron in a cowardly fashion, while we can go out to Puerto Vallarta’s wonderful eateries with a clear conscience. Before, the wretched fiends would insist we take them with us, which made the feast a deep embarrassment, for they caterwauled endlessly for blue tuna and sea bass, much outside our frugal budget for holiday meals.
How Kitty could just sit there with a blank look on her visage while other diners became restless over their spoiled dining experience I don’t know. I ran around the place pressing hundreds of pesos on the solemn patrons in order to keep them in the establishment and placate the outraged owners. Lord, I do not miss those days.
However I do miss some other events, such as our family watching A Christmas Carol on Christmas Eve, with our grandchildren spread across my bony lap as we tremble over the Dickens classic after a large turkey dinner. What a story, what a theme, eh? But it does not seem much fun without little ones, so we just read aloud to each other, with duelling martinis and the well-travelled Christmas pudding to keep us company.
It is still Christmas, after all, just of a newer hue from years gone by. We find that not many of our children like being far from home during the holiday and I quite understand. Christmas is for young parents and their children, not pop-eyed seniors such as ourselves. We are content with our memories, the morning phone calls while surrounded by photos of our large family.
I wish all of you well this wonderful Christmas, wherever you are. Please take care and enjoy your family while you are young.
Copyright Major’s Corner 2014
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3 Comments

  1. Merry Christmas Major, and thank you for a year of hysterical anecdotes, looking forward to another years worth.

  2. TIM

    Well said, Major…..Staying warm with “Pussies” is O.K. See you in June at Elf. Rd. Compliments o’ the season..Tim L.

  3. Petra

    It’s always a pleasure to read your witty anecdotes Major!
    Wishing you and the missus a very wonderful Christmas and heartfelt felicitations for the new year of 2015.
    Many hugs and cheers from your old pal, Petra

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